Boundary Pyramid Break Down

My basic rights

• I have the right to say no without carrying guilt

• I have a right to be treated in a way I feel is respectful

• I have a right to have needs and they are as valuable as the needs of others

• I have a right to make mistakes and learn from them

• I have a right to not have to meet others’ unrealistic expectations of me

• I have the right to change my mind

• I have a right to take care of myself and keep myself emotionally safe

Sacred: Unconditionally Loved & Safe

Please list the characteristics someone would need to have to fit into the sacred category below.

 A relationship in which you would feel unconditionally loved and safe RECIPROCAL SHOW ALL OF YOU * WOULD BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT

This sacred category is reserved for a relationship in which you would feel completely and totally loved and safe. This category will have a very limited amount of people and most often people put their relationship with a higher power/connection. People also put relationships with pets or a person or persons in which they can show every part of themselves.

Example: When you connect with God or nature, you feel peaceful, love and supported.

Trust: Trustworthiness

Please list the characteristics someone would need to have to fit into the trust category below

The relationship is rooted in trust

WOULD KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU YOU CAN RELY ON THEM CONSISTENT RECIPROCAL

The trust category is reserved for relationships that are trustworthy, consistent, and safe. The difference between the Sacred category and the Trust category is the unconditional component is not present which allows for more human beings to fit in this category. This category is where intimacy with another person happens. Trust and safety is established by consistent trustworthy data. In this category if there is a disagreement or a boundary violation, it’s safe to be vulnerable with this person and speak your truth. You can feel seen and heard.

Example: Close friend- You may both lead very busy lives but you know they would be there for you no matter what. You feel safe with this person because they show up with respect, without judgment, and support you. You feel safe to be you.

Shared Interest

The relationship is connected through a shared interest

MOST FAMILY & FRIENDS RELATIONSHIP IS LIGHT NOT ROOTED IN TRUST DO NOT DISCLOSE PERSONAL DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE & EMOTIONS * CANNOT HAVE EMOTIONAL EXPECTATIONS

The Shared Interest category is actually where most people in your life will fit. A shared interest may be family, friendship, hobbies, work, your children, community, school, etc. This is a person that you have a shared interest with but the relationship is not rooted in trust. There may be something about this person or their energy that doesn’t feel safe or trustworthy. In the shared interest category you keep the relationship relational by keeping it light. This means you do not disclose personal details of your life and you have awareness around what to disclose and not to disclose to this person. Truth bomb- If you don’t trust someone, you can’t have emotional expectations. If your friend is a flake, you can’t expect them to be consistent- that’s an unrealistic expectation on your part.

Example-

• Mom- You love her, but she tends to be judgmental and gives unsolicited advice. There are certain topics you feel uncomfortable sharing for fear you’ll be judged and criticized. She also continues to make destructive choices for herself despite your advice and attempts to help her. Shared interest is family.

• Co-worker- You don’t care for this person, but you spend 6 hours a day in the same office space and have to interact on work matters. Shared interest is work.

Cordial

 The Cordial category is reserved for people that you either don’t like, or don’t care to have a deeper relationship with- so you keep it cordial. The definition of cordial meaning, “Hi, how are you?” and that’s it. In this category having interactions past a cordial “Hi”, could create an emotionally unsafe situation for you. In this category you don’t have an expectation that this person will be cordial to you, the invitation is for you to be cordial and stick to the boundary.

Example- Ex-friend. You had a falling out and you are aware this friend is toxic. You still have mutual friends and occasionally end up at the same events. You commit to being cordial when you see them and not interacting further.

 No Contact

The No Contact category is reserved for people who are emotionally and/or physically unsafe. You need to protect yourself from this person and the toxicity that seeps into your life. No contact looks like not answering calls or texts, blocking, social media boundaries, leaving, etc.

Example- Ex-partner- You recently broke up and you’re healing and grieving the relationship. Having contact with this person could reignite the toxic cycle and lead you back into the relationship dynamic, only to be hurt again. Having a period of no-contact is necessary for you to have the space to heal from the relationship